Written by Lauriane Millet
- French
- currently living in Tokyo, Japan
« PARENTS » or « JUST A MAN AND A WOMAN »
Differences between Japanese and French parents
In Japan, when a couple has a child, they become parents. Before to be a woman and a man in love, they are PARENTS and call themselves « Otôsan/Papa » and « Okâsan/Mama ». They seem to have no more couple activity.
In France, even when a couple has children, before to be parents, they are a MAN and a WOMAN. In fact in France, the parents show some attention marks, like taking their hands, kissing each other or hugging in front of their children. That is why children realize quickly that before being his/her parents, his/her parents are still a couple in love (when they speak to each other, they use their first name). Maybe because the French family is based on the couple love, when they think that there is no more enough love as a couple or when they dispute too much, they separate (marriage is becoming rarer, so often it is not a divorce but just a separation) or divorce*. In Paris, where I used to live, almost half of the couples are separated and a lot of people find a new partner. By living together with the partner family, the new family becomes a « Famille recomposée » or RECONSTITUTE FAMILY.
I had the occasion to visit five different Japanese families. And it must be noted that all of the parents acted the same. As if they were playing a role or wearing a mask, they are the incarnation of PARENTS.
They really do not look like the French parents who are very egoist and complain a lot. For example, when I went to Kyoto with my father, my grandmother and my boyfriend, we decided to leave the hotel at 9:30 in order to see the Sanjûsangen-dô. My boyfriend needed to leave the temple at 12:00 to take shinkansen. But even knowing that the time was quite tight, when 9:30 stroke, my father went taking a bath! And it was like “itʻs, itʼs ok, just relax, nobody is dead” and he did not care if my boyfriend could see the temple or not. A friend of mine had the same situation with her mother whereas her parents are still together! Because this is TYPICALLY FRENCH! Sometimes, French or French parents are like this, they just think from their point of view and deny the emotions of others, that is why we French have a lot of EGO DISPUTE. If I may resume, French parents are not just parents you can rely on, sometimes they are just a couple, and sometimes children you need to care. That is why it is not possible to rely entirely on them and to feel this easiness of life that you can feel by being within Japanese families. In fact, Japanese parents treat their children or the friends of their children, independently of their age, as “children” and take all the responsibilities. It is so relaxing!
However, I have found out that almost all of my Japanese friends find difficulties to speak about love (doubts, difficulties, etc.) or sexuality, or to confess anything to their parents. Because the Japanese parents are fully in their role of PARENTS and do not show that they love each other in front of their children, they appear as some kind of asexual authorities. Whereas French children, teenagers or adults confess and receive advice from their parents, Japanese children do not dare to ask and stay alone with their doubts. This climate creates
the Japanese society of nowadays which is known for the highest undesired pregnancy rate within developed countries or where more and more people are single whereas the sex business is still more flourishing.
I think we could say much more about this subject but rather than explaining it with words, to experience it, is the best way. A homestay in France should be the fastest way to understand what is EGO and why whereas Japanese teenagers look really childish, French ones need to quickly become adult.
* Some reasons why French separate more than Japanese:
- French couples or families spend a lot of time together because the French law requests just 35 hours of work a week and that overtime work is rare. So usually French finish working at 5 pm or 6 pm.
- French have a big ego and dispute a lot (Reverse of Passion).
- Because France has a lot of childcare infrastructures, it is not necessary for women to become housewife. In fact being a housewife is considered as being lazy and is quite criticized. But because women are independent and do not need their husband's salary, the separation is easier than in Japan.
（Lauriane Millet / ロリアンヌ・ミエ）
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